As the Boys Grow Older

Jackson will be entering Kindergarten next fall! Kindergarten! "Real" school. The weight of which is no small matter to me. We will be moving in March and choosing a school from a distance is difficult. We have always planned to send our kids to private school if possible and with current social climates, that decision is even more concrete. Bur the price tag is hefty and determining our budget is proving to be a stressor. There is the tuition cost, the application fee, the annual fees, the uniform cost. Plus Daniel will probably be ready for preschool, so we need to decide if that would be an investment or if we should wait for Pre-K.

I was reading through the student handbook of our best option tonight. I find myself worrying if Jackson will be successful in Kindergarten- I mean, that's a whole day away from me and what if he gets lost on the way to lunch? Seriously, silly thoughts like that race through my head. But also, he is exceptionally intelligent but socially is still catching up. He plays a little differently than other kids and sometimes that means he has to play alone to be happy. What if he doesn't make friends? What if he feels lonely? What if he doesn't learn self-control? All of which is unfounded because he does make friends and is learning more and more how fun it is to play with kids even if it's not exactly how he wants to play. If he does start to feel lonely then we can work on developing friendships and he will always have his brothers. He has been improving in self-control so much this past half year and I know he will only continue to grow and mature. 

I keep telling myself that everyone I know has gone to Kindergarten and been just fine. I remember walking the attendance down the hall to the office in Kindergarten. It's not like Jackson is a baby, he just seems that way to me. The teachers are well aware of how old the Kindergarteners are and what they are and are not capable of. I need to trust them. 

So many decisions about school. It will only get harder as the boys get older and I feel so unprepared. I mean, I'm just a baby myself, right? Wait, I'm almost 30, you say? How is that possible? Thirty seems like a mature age. By 30 a person should have their act together and know what to do or not do. A 30-year-old should understand enough about the world to not have to worry about sending their kid off to school. Right? 

Life is confusing sometimes. And that's ok. It is a wonderful privilege to figure out this parenting thing and watch my boys grow and mature. 

But Kindergarten, really? How did that happen? How is he old enough? Sigh.

My Three Special Boys

I'm sitting in the big boys' room waiting for the middle one to fall asleep. The oldest is snuggled in his bed with all his best stuffed friends and the baby is curled up on my lap. In this time I've been doing some thinking and praying over each of my boys and some words jumped out at me for each of them.

As I prayed over Jackson I thanked God for his intellect and love. Jackson loves to learn and is so bright, I pray this continues as he grows. He is so passionate about his interests and he has such great potential. Jackson also loves people. This is interesting as he has some mild social anxiety. He may not like big groups, but he loves being with people and playing. He is quick to give hugs and kisses to most anyone and calls other kids (that he doesn't know) "friends". I am so thankful for his sweet, loving spirit and I hope that never gets quenched. 

When I prayed over Daniel I thanked God for his perceptiveness and joy. Daniel observes so much. He learns by mimicking others and he is exceptionally good at figuring things out. He is our little sponge and I cannot wait to see what his specific interests turn out to be since he follows Jackson around and plays with him mostly now. Almost everything Daniel does is with a big smile. He is a very happy child and he is ready for anything. his joy is contagious and we often just sit and smile in wonder at his big heart.

For Chase, I just thanked God for his existence. Never would I have dreamed to have a third boy. We had planned to have two and adopt one, so when we had two boys we planned to adopt a little girl. When we decided to get pregnant again we were open to either gender. I am so thankful for this new little person and new bond I have. Being a Boymom is so special and there is nothing quite like it. He is my little cling-on, snugglebug right now and I am so very thankful.

I have three very different boys, but they are all wonderful and such a blessing to me. 

My Sleepless Nights

I have had 3.5 years worth of sleepless nights. It began with my pregnancy with Jackson when he thought nighttime was daytime. Then he woke up every couple hours to eat for his first year. Then he had bad dreams and night terrors. Then he was so used to sleeping with me that he wouldn't sleep in his crib. Then he would start to sleep in his crib but would wake up and realize I wasn't there and cry. All this time still waking up to eat at least once. By the time he was sleeping almost entirely through the night, I was pregnant again with leg cramps and insomnia. Jackson still crawls into my bed during the night. Daniel teased me with 12 hour nights his first few months. Then he would wake up 1-2 times to eat. Teething has given him restless sleep and he wakes 3-5 times a night and starts his days early (but at least happy). 

So I have sleepless nights. I don't think I have fallen asleep for the night and slept until I've naturally woken up (or even been woken up by the boys at a normal hour) since before my first pregnancy. That is a long time of interrupted sleep. 

But for the most part it has been such a blessing.

My boys both love me desperately. They feel confident in their relationship with me. They feel safe with me. They are both snugglers. Sometimes they are afraid. Sometimes they are confused. Sometimes they feel hurt. During those times (especially at night) I want to make myself readily available to them. What is sleep compared with knowing my boys feel secure and happy? 

When the boys take awhile to fall asleep or settle back down after a bad dream, I use that time to pray for them. I pray for their current rest, I pray for their safety through childhood, I pray for protection around them in this world, I pray for patience and grace for me as I parent, I pray they will make good choices, I pray they will seek God always and not wander, I pray for their relationship as brothers, I pray for their future spouses, and I pray for so much more. What a blessing to have time to specifically pray for big and little details of their lives. 

When the boys are crying and not fully awake, what a joy it is for them to relax and have peace as soon as I am there. Jackson curls up next to me and pulls my arms around him. He throws his arm around my neck and clutches me close. If I try to get up too soon he sleepily signs "please" or quietly says "come back" and I can't deny him more snuggles. Daniel usually lays his head down on my left shoulder when I pick him up from his crib. Sometimes he'll laugh or smile in his sleepy haze and that just melts my heart. His happiness is so full just by being snuggled. 

My boys are still little children. Two and a half years old and seven months old. Both babies. Their limited understanding of the world tells them that they want Mumma and they want her now. What do they think when I don't go to them right away? What do they think if I act out of frustration instead of out of patience? What do they feel if I distance myself when trying to get them back to sleep? 

I'm not sure how they feel and I doubt they'll remember later and be able to tell me. We don't use the Cry It Out method for sleep. I have tried a "tough love" kind of sleep training for Jackson, but it wasn't for us. I would sit on his bed and tell him to go to sleep and lay him back down when he sat up (as opposed to lying next to him until he fell asleep). Each time he would just sit up again and reach for me. He wouldn't try to climb out of bed. He wouldn't want to leave or play. He simply wanted me, his Mumma. He was always persistent and didn't understand why I wouldn't lay down with him. Eventually he lay down, but kept reaching for me. He won every time and received more hugs and reassurance that Mumma was there for him. 

What is an hour of my time to snuggle with my boys compared to my personal sleep? These moments are fleeting. I want my boys to feel safe and secure in their sleep. I want them to have peace and rest. So my sleepless nights are worth it. 

I Know Better

I'm pretty sure every mama thinks her kids are the cutest in the world. I would hope so at least. Letsbehonest, we've all seen kids that make our brains go "blurg!" Just not super physically attractive children. Often, these kids have super endearing personalities so they are still cute in their own way. But, regardless, I would hope that their mamas would truly think that her child was the most adorable baby ever to be born. 

Other mamas may think their baby is the cutest... 

... But I know better. 

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

My kids. They are the cutest. The. Cutest. 

Mommy confession (and maybe you feel this way too): sometimes I get angry when other people say other babies are cute. Not specifically in relation to my children, but just generally comment about the cuteness of other kids. I know, right? How ridiculous is that? I get upset because that person must be blind. That kid isn't a dog, but has s/he seen my kids? I mean, comments on the cuteness of other kids is wasted. Truly wasted. All the comments should be directed at my kids. Because, look at them! 

It's not every comment and not every person. But sometimes a comment just really gets to me. It's hard to let it go. I told you, it is unreasonable and one of my "stupider" thoughts. But it's there and try as I might, I can't make it go away. 

While I struggle with these thoughts and am working on not dwelling on them, part of me hopes all mommies out there have similar feelings. All mommies should think their children are beautiful. 

My children are adorable. Plain and simple. I know it. You know it. And it's ok that other babies are adorable too. 

Sweet Slumber

These are from last night, but this is generally how they sleep anyways. 

Daddy is away in the field for a bit and we just learned he's currently scheduled to deploy soon (there is still a chance that may change), so while I love to watch my boys sleep on any given day, it means something completely different when I am acting the part of single parent. 

Sleeping children (especially in their own beds) means rest. Sleeping children means quiet. Sleeping children means peace. Sleeping children means soon-to-be-sleeping-Mumma. 

I love my boys and I'm still at the point when I miss them while they're asleep. I still want to just hold them and let them sleep on me (Jackson normally comes to find me during the night). There is just something so special about the relaxed weight of your child asleep in your arms. They trust you. They feel safe with you. They know your rhythms. They know your scent. They try to hold on to you as you lay them in bed. It is a wonderful feeling that is difficult to describe. I know holding your own children is far different than your nieces or nephews. I imagine it is different from your grandchildren. You have this connection with your own children that is unparalleled. 

My boys are pretty amazing. They are well behaved. They play nicely (Daniel is starting to play now and it is so fun to watch). They are both so snuggly which is good for this Mumma's sensitive heart. Their smiles, oh their smiles! Their smiles make my day. They are seriously making me want another baby sooner than we are currently planning. But they also make me tired. I am not nearly as tired as some moms and more tired than others. But it is a rewarding tired. I have very full days and a very full life that gives me a very full heart. 

I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful for their personhoods and their spirits. I am thankful for the privilege of being their mother. And right now I am thankful that they are sound asleep and I am about to join them. 

Bright Sunshiney Day

Today the boys and I slept in until around 8. Yes, 8 am is sleeping in for us. Daniel has certainly helped get Jackson and I on a more normal schedule. I didn't want to get up and around quite yet, but we had plans. I got up and washed my face and it helped wake me up. That is my new morning rule. If I don't feel up to plans, get up and wash my face. If I still don't feel up to leaving the house then I probably need to rest. More often than not, though, I'll probably be able to follow through and not be a flake (which I hate). 

So we got up and around, piles into the car, and met some friends at the Greenway: a lovely paved 2 mile path that is surrounded by trees providing much needed shade. The path is straight so if you walk to the end you have to turn around to make it back to the entrance d, making it 4 miles. Today was the perfect day for a long walk and to catch up with our friends. 

This is our double jogging stroller (Phil&Ted's Dash). I love it for times like this when I don't need a full diaper bag. I love how compact it is for a double and Jackson loves sitting in his special little seat. I have only tried our side by side Joovy double stroller once when Daniel was in the infant cocoon, but it has a huge basket for when I need storage. This jogger is wonderful for long walks. 

Look at this hat! It was a super sale find at The Gap. I only use this stroller fan on walks. I don't leave it attached to the car seat when we're driving. That's a big no-no, so please don't do it! 

We picked up some lunch from Wendy's on the way home (because Mumma wanted a chocolate frosty) and watched some Pororo while we ate. Then both boys napped at the same time and I even got a quick nap in! 

The boys woke up and we played and Jackson wanted to hold Daniel, as he often does. He is learning his to support his brother now that Daniel is a bit stronger. 

Those two! They make my heart melt. They make me feel so blessed, so privileged. Jackson loves Daniel so much and it has been so wonderful watching him transition into his big brother role. Daniel's interest in Jackson is growing and he will watch him play now. The makings of a beautiful friendship.

Watching them play together, seeing Jackson cup Daniel's cheek, seeing Jackson being so careful around Daniel, seeing Daniel follow Jackson with his eyes; it brings tears to my eyes. I love having two boys and watching their relationship blossom. It has only been {almost} three months and our family is so much the better from Daniel's presence. Just as motherhood (first to just Jackson, now to both boys) taught me so much about God, relationships, and myself so also brotherhood is helping my boys develop their personalities. I think they will be much better men for having a brother [and someday hopefully at least one more sibling] in their lives. I've always a said that siblings build character. 

My hope is that my boys will grow to unconditionally love each other. That they will always have each other's backs. That they will not only be brothers, but also true friends. That they will bring out the best in each other. That they will teach each other valuable life lessons, especially how to love, trust, and forgive. That they will strengthen each other with their differences and build up one another. 

I love being these two boys' Mumma. It is an honor. I pray daily that I will rear them I The Lord. That I will teach them wisely. That I will be patient and loving first and foremost. That I will have little regrets and many joys. That I will never be too proud to learn. That I will never think the job of parenthood is dull, monotonous, or worthless. 

Thank you, Lord, for my boys. May they grow to be men grounded in you and mission minded. 

Not-so-new-mom confession

Sometimes I really feel like I'm still a "new" mom. But I've been a mom for over 2 years now. The time has just kept passing and somehow I became a "somewhat seasoned" mom. 

But I have never been a mom to Daniel at 2.5 months old before. That can be my excuse, right? Or maybe this is how all moms are with every child. Well, no, I know some moms aren't like this. Maybe this is just how moms-who-happen-to-be-similar-to-me-are-when-their-two-month old-second-child-whimpers-in-his-sleep react. Please tell me this is normal?

I had been given the gift of time tonight. Daniel was in bed by 7:40 (on schedule), Daddy was in bed by 9:00 (on schedule), and Jackson was in bed by 9:15 (ahead of schedule!). Celebration time! We're slowly moving Jackson's bedtime in the right direction! So I ate a few (ok half the package) of my favorite Biscoff cookies (the kind Delta airlines serves! That's right, check out the international foods section at your grocery store) and read a couple chapters of my book and browsed Facebook for awhile. I get all ready for bed and I hear a noise on the baby monitor. 

My ears were perked. My eyes were glued to the zoomed in screen. The sound was like a "yelp". We have said more than once that Daniel sounds like a little puppy or kitten when he whimpers or coos. This noise sounded like a sharp inhaling of breath, but baby-tized. It was not an appealing noise. It was not a noise I wanted to hear. It was certainly not a noise I wanted to be repeated over and over and over with what seemed like every other breath of Daniel's. 

So I go to the nursery to check on him. He is asleep but his breathing is fast. His little fists are "rocking" (this movements that both boys do and I realized the other day as I was stretching, I do too). His head is slightly jerking and he's turning it from side to side. He isn't awake and doesn't appear to be waking up. He is most likely having an "active" dream. He isn't fully crying so it hopefully isn't a bad dream. I hope the nightmare and night terrors gene by-passes him for his sake. I rub his little back and rethink allowing him to sleep on his tummy. 

Ok, Sidenote on that. I know we're told to put babies "back to sleep" and I get that. Both of my babies have far preferred sleeping in their tummies. My mom was told to put babies in their tummies to prevent SIDS. So this information is ever changing. I only ever out my babies on their tummies to sleep when they could easily move their heads if they got stuck. I watched them carefully to make sure that they would move their heads if they had difficulty breathing. During nap time I would wait to fix their heads if they put their face straight down into the mattress, but every time they would move it themselves even if they were asleep. So I don't feel too bad about putting my kids to sleep on their tummies (that is how I sleep so it is not surprising that my kids sleep that way too)... Except when they make strange, alarming noises in their sleep.

But Daniel didn't seem to be having difficulty breathing. Probably just a dream, like I said. When I touch him while he's sleeping he'll often be startled and cry or wake up. When I rubbed his back he didn't react hardly at all. His breathing did calm though. I stood there leaning on his crib and watched him very carefully. I was sure he was fine but I stayed there all the same. I just had to keep watching his little back go up and down with each breath and make sure that he wasn't going to be scared by whatever he was dreaming. Protective mother hen. 

I told myself that he was fine. I told myself that Jackson made similar noises when he was a baby. I told myself that he probably makes that noise other times and I just miss it on the monitor or I'm already asleep. But I had to just keep standing there. I had to make sure he was ok. 

Eventually I left so I could go to bed (yet in writing this post). Is this normal? I feel much more sleep deprived with two kiddos than I ever did with one, and Daniel sleeps like a dream! I can hardly believe how well he sleeps at night. He gives me good rest, yet I always feel tired. So is it normal to just stand there watching his breathing even when he's stopped making the noise? Is it normal to be so fearful for your child's life when he's sleeping? Is it normal to want to pick him up and sleep with him in the rocker just to make sure he's safe? Is it normal to be slightly afraid to go to sleep in case he isn't ok later but you're not there to help him? Because I am wrestling with that now. 

While all moms of infants have a slight fear of SIDS, I feel like it is a very new mom fear. It diminishes with each child. But it is still very much alive in me. Maybe even more so because it's hard to imagine that two children will continue to grow healthy and happy (even though I have countless examples to the contrary). So I will be the somewhat seasoned mom who stands next to the crib for an hour checking her child's every breath. Because I've never been  mother to Daniel at 2.5 months old. 

Timidity

As Jackson grows I have been learning so much through trial and error as a parent. Unfortunately, these "aha" parenting moments generally come after gut wrenching moment of guilt. For example... 

Normally I put Daniel to bed between 7-7:30 so that I'm freed up to out Jackson to bed between 8:30-9:30 (yes, we're up to 9:30 most nights! It is a miracle and I'm hoping his bedtime can get moved up to 8 permanently). Tonight, however, Daddy and I wanted to catch up on one more episode of 24 (we're a bit behind). When the episode was over I noticed it was almost 8:00! Whoops! Time to get Daniel to bed. I rock him, but he seems wide awake and staring all over the room. I put him in his crib with his paci and try to put Jackson to bed. Of course, Daniel fusses after a few minutes. daddy watches Daniel while I try to get Jackson to sleep. Jackson is almost asleep when Daddy peeks in and says Daniel is hungry. I tell Jackson to go night-night and stay in bed. I kiss him, tuck him in, and go into the nursery to feed the baby. 

Not surprisingly, a few minutes later Jackson peeks out from behind his door at me. I tell him to get back in bed a couple times and he just stands there peering at me. I can tell he's tired and doesn't want to keep playing (which is great seeing as how he used to go to bed regularly at 11 before we went to Michigan). He ran into the living room and then slowly came over to the nursery and peeked around the doorframe. I could see the timidity in his eyes. 

That's when it hit me. It hit my heart. 

My oldest just wanted to snuggle with him Mumma but he was too timid to come to me because he is used to being scolded when he gets our of bed. My boy who up until 2 months ago had Mumma available to him almost 24/7 was now used to sharing her attentions and having his needs go unmet at times. 

My heart. It hurt. It plummeted. It scolded me as a parent just as I often scold Jackson for getting out of bed. 

See, the cry it out method is not for me. I don't think there is anything wrong with it for some people but it is most definitely not the right method for my babies and I. I made myself entirely available for Jackson in his first two years. I soothed his pains and calmed his fears and snuggled him to sleep. Jackson and I coslept in the same bed for most of his first two years and the transition to get him in his own bed was long and involved me sleeping on his little crib mattress with him at times. So with that being our story, it is unsurprising that he still needs me to snuggle him to sleep, though it is getting better slowly. 

Tonight I had to leave Jackson seemingly suddenly. He was calming down and falling asleep when my warm presence was suddenly missing. When the arm he held for comfort was suddenly withdrawn. Not only was I not there for him, but also he saw that I WAS there for the baby. The baby who is so often in Mumma's arms so she can't hold Jackson. The baby who needs to be fed so Jackson has to wait for a snack or to go upstairs or to go outside. The baby who seems to take precedence over Jackson because he is more reliant on Mumma. He saw me with the baby and he was timid to approach me. He knew he was supposed to be in bed, he even took a step back towards bed when he first saw me. But he longed for his Mumma. He longed for snuggles and security. 

My heart melted. I decided to seize the moment. I smiled at him and welcomed him to come rock with the baby and me. He ran to the rocker and climbed up. He snuggled in against me while I finished feeding the baby. I hugged his little face with my free arm and he just lay his head in my elbow. 

I do not want my children to be timid to approach me ever. When they are naughty, when they need help, when they are hurt, when they are scared. No matter what the situation I want them to know they can always come to their Mumma. I will always be there for them and they will always be welcome. 

I have been more strict with Jackson since Daniel was born, more harsh. In some ways this will remain the same because he is getting older and understanding more so he can be more responsible and be disciplined when he is naughty. But in other ways this will be changing. While he does need to stay on schedule at bedtime and he does need to learn to stay in bed even if I am not there, he will not be scolded. He is a little boy and his world has drastically changed in the past two months. He was used to the world revolving around him. Now he gets less than half of my attention. When he needs a little more reassurance, a little more love, then I will be more than happy to give it to him. 

I make mistakes as a parent, but I try to learn from them. Tonight I learned that you can never show your child too much patience and too much affection. Once Daniel was asleep in his crib I rocked Jackson for a couple minutes then carried him back to bed. I lay next to him for just a couple minutes and he fell asleep. He was a little later than his bedtime  but he still was asleep before 10. A little patience, a little extra snuggles, a little longer with Mumma and he is sleeping soundly. 

Starting Over

When I wrote our birth story with Daniel, I posted the link to my facebook account and got over 100 page views! Goodness, maybe I should post my posts to facebook more often! Since this is more of a personal catalog of our lives, I don't really feel the need to do that. But it is nice to be able to share with family and friends the details of our life events. But with that many page views I decided it was time to do a little re-do on the blog. Nothing dramatic, but making it more "my own". Originally I intended for this "Stage Two" blog to have some more info on the boys specifically and even Matt. But Matt has no interest in writing and a lot of the details of his career cannot be published in an open forum. So this has remained more of an open journal for myself. So the camo background is gone and replaced with something much softer and feminine. All around lovely, which is slowly becoming the theme of my style and life. For a bit more sprucing I moved the profile pictures to the right instead of the left. I updated the pictures to include Mister Daniel. Minor changes, but refreshing changes none-the-less.

Along with an update to the appearance of the blog, a starting over of sorts, today has been a day where the boys and I could start over mentally and emotionally. Yesterday did not go so well. Now, a bad day in this household is still probably a good day compared to many other households. I do not take that for granted and I am so thankful for my sweet little daily companions. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I was emotionally spent. I felt on the verge of tears all day. I felt like I was not cutting it as a mother. I sat on the couch almost all day and watched episodes of Grey's Anatomy while holding Daniel and letting Jackson play. I raised my voice much more than normal. Jackson learned to say "go away" since I said it often to him as he would climb up near the baby. He is very gentle with the baby, but he is still a toddler (read- clumsy) so gets so close to stepping on the baby. I said "go away" meaning "go play over there" and Jackson began repeating it. It made my heart hurt a little to hear those words in his sweet little voice.

It could have been worse. Much worse. If I were the cussing type, Jackson could have been repeating those words. Thankfully, I broke that habit in college and it doesn't even cross my mind to cuss any longer. I could be the type to lose my temper and slap my child. While I am not making excuses for parents who hit their children, being a parent now I understand how circumstances could lead those with less patience and poor coping methods to slap their children out of anger. My child winces when I raise my voice and that pains me enough.

So we had an incredibly lazy day that involved some scolding. Thankfully, toddlers are very forgiving. Jackson knows when he's being naughty and wants hugs when he is scolded. When I would set Daniel down while he was sleeping and ask Jackson if he wanted to sit on my lap he would respond with the biggest smile and come running to leap up on my lap. He would lay his head on my chest and just be so happy to have my entire attention. That warmed my heart and made me so thankful for my sweet boy. He may make messes and he may not always listen, but he always offers hugs and kisses and forgets when Mumma loses her temper and raises her voice.

Today was a new day. I woke up wanting to be more patient today than yesterday. Some friends were coming over this morning so that helped my outlook. Plus Daniel had a 6 hour stretch of sleep last night! I hope that continues! So far, we have had lots of smiles and snuggly moments. I put Jackson in his bed at naptime and he fell asleep on his own without me even in the room! That is a huge milestone for us! Daniel has been going longer between feedings during the day and night and that frees up my time more to get things done around the house and spend time playing with Jackson. All around, today has been a much happier day for all three of us.

And... now I am feeling tired myself. Most days I take a nap when Jackson does. Daniel is probably going to want to eat soon and maybe then he and I can settle down for a nap.

Yes, today has been a successful morning and afternoon. I am so thankful for the chance to start over each morning.

Motherhood: Adjusting to Two

I knew that being a mother to two would be different than being a mother to one. I tried to prepare to divide my attention. I tried to prepare for more exhaustion. I tried to prepare for the moments when both boys just want Mommy and both are crying and my heart is aching. I also tried to prepare for the wonderful moments when I would have a full heart by my boys loving each other or loving on me. 

For this first week and a half of mothering two I have experienced all of the above and so much more.

It has been such a pleasure to see Jackson coming around to Daniel. He has become more and more interested in the little "be be" and has tried to share his toys or food with Daniel. He is generally very gentle with Daniel, but we have to remind him not to throw balls at him. There have only been a couple times where he's gotten frustrated that Daniel has been "in his space" or he's tried to push Daniel away when I've been holding him. Overall, I think the transition has been going smoothly.

Jackson wakes up and has been learning to go to Daddy for breakfast or morning snuggles. Unfortunately, tomorrow is Matt's last day of paternity leave so we'll see how Jackson (and I) handles having to share Mommy in the mornings. When he does come in to my bed for snuggles he doesn't seem to mind Daniel so much. I try to move Daniel into the center of the bed after he's finished nursing so that I can snuggle Jackson.

Jackson smiles at the "be be" and has started giving him kisses, which melts my heart every time. 

Sometimes a Mumma just has to carry and hold both kids at the same time. I am so thankful for baby wearing and all the different carriers available. This happy baby wrap is going to be a lifesaver this summer. It is much lighter material than the Moby wrap so I don't get too overheated while wearing Daniel. 

A mommy of two has to learn to multi task even more than a mommy of one. With Jackson I learned to nurse while going about my day: nursing while eating, making dinner, cleaning, and going to the bathroom. With Daniel I am learning to nurse while also doing thing with/for Jackson.

Mothering two is so different than mothering one, and then it is not so different. Some things are very similar and life feels "normal". But the time when Dsniel is fussy and wants to be held a very particular way and Jackson wants my full attention are draining. I put Daniel in his swing (a new baby purchase since Jackson never had an infant swing. It is proving to be well worth the $20! It was a yard sale find) and hope the rocking and music calms him down and devote my attention to Jackson. I imagine it isn't easy for Jackson to go from having my undivided attention almost 24/7 to having less than half my attention most of the day. Thankfully, Daniel doesn't take long to nurse (similar to Jackson) and generally goes 2-4 hours between feedings. I have an oversupply of breast milk so I have been pumping twice a day. When I do this Jackson has been coming over to sit on my lap. It has become a nice mommy-time for him. 

I have been do pleasantly surprised at how well the transition has been going. I hope and pray it continues and soon we all have a regular schedule. The boys seem to enjoy each other as much as possible at this age and hopefully when Daniel can sit in the bumbo seat and by himself the boys will enjoy playing together. I love having two boys and love that they are both snugglers and Mumma's boys. This is definitely stretching to me as a mom, but I am up to for the challenge!