Starting Over

When I wrote our birth story with Daniel, I posted the link to my facebook account and got over 100 page views! Goodness, maybe I should post my posts to facebook more often! Since this is more of a personal catalog of our lives, I don't really feel the need to do that. But it is nice to be able to share with family and friends the details of our life events. But with that many page views I decided it was time to do a little re-do on the blog. Nothing dramatic, but making it more "my own". Originally I intended for this "Stage Two" blog to have some more info on the boys specifically and even Matt. But Matt has no interest in writing and a lot of the details of his career cannot be published in an open forum. So this has remained more of an open journal for myself. So the camo background is gone and replaced with something much softer and feminine. All around lovely, which is slowly becoming the theme of my style and life. For a bit more sprucing I moved the profile pictures to the right instead of the left. I updated the pictures to include Mister Daniel. Minor changes, but refreshing changes none-the-less.

Along with an update to the appearance of the blog, a starting over of sorts, today has been a day where the boys and I could start over mentally and emotionally. Yesterday did not go so well. Now, a bad day in this household is still probably a good day compared to many other households. I do not take that for granted and I am so thankful for my sweet little daily companions. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I was emotionally spent. I felt on the verge of tears all day. I felt like I was not cutting it as a mother. I sat on the couch almost all day and watched episodes of Grey's Anatomy while holding Daniel and letting Jackson play. I raised my voice much more than normal. Jackson learned to say "go away" since I said it often to him as he would climb up near the baby. He is very gentle with the baby, but he is still a toddler (read- clumsy) so gets so close to stepping on the baby. I said "go away" meaning "go play over there" and Jackson began repeating it. It made my heart hurt a little to hear those words in his sweet little voice.

It could have been worse. Much worse. If I were the cussing type, Jackson could have been repeating those words. Thankfully, I broke that habit in college and it doesn't even cross my mind to cuss any longer. I could be the type to lose my temper and slap my child. While I am not making excuses for parents who hit their children, being a parent now I understand how circumstances could lead those with less patience and poor coping methods to slap their children out of anger. My child winces when I raise my voice and that pains me enough.

So we had an incredibly lazy day that involved some scolding. Thankfully, toddlers are very forgiving. Jackson knows when he's being naughty and wants hugs when he is scolded. When I would set Daniel down while he was sleeping and ask Jackson if he wanted to sit on my lap he would respond with the biggest smile and come running to leap up on my lap. He would lay his head on my chest and just be so happy to have my entire attention. That warmed my heart and made me so thankful for my sweet boy. He may make messes and he may not always listen, but he always offers hugs and kisses and forgets when Mumma loses her temper and raises her voice.

Today was a new day. I woke up wanting to be more patient today than yesterday. Some friends were coming over this morning so that helped my outlook. Plus Daniel had a 6 hour stretch of sleep last night! I hope that continues! So far, we have had lots of smiles and snuggly moments. I put Jackson in his bed at naptime and he fell asleep on his own without me even in the room! That is a huge milestone for us! Daniel has been going longer between feedings during the day and night and that frees up my time more to get things done around the house and spend time playing with Jackson. All around, today has been a much happier day for all three of us.

And... now I am feeling tired myself. Most days I take a nap when Jackson does. Daniel is probably going to want to eat soon and maybe then he and I can settle down for a nap.

Yes, today has been a successful morning and afternoon. I am so thankful for the chance to start over each morning.