10 Reasons Why Deployments Suck
1. When the kids are in bed and you aren't quite ready to go to bed yourself (despite being very tired since you are parenting solo), you are faced with an empty house. I curled up in bed to do some reading and wanted a snack. So I went to the kitchen and realized just how empty the house felt. The boys are tucked away in their beds, sleeping soundly, and I look around and it's just a big empty space. It was one of those moments where in a movie I would suddenly shrink in size and the space would appear much larger as I look around. And then the loneliness hits. An empty house.
2. I found out today that I am not alone in fearing a break in while my husband is away. Apparently this is a common fear among military spouses. I have the responsibility of securing our house and protecting our boys. Material belongings can be replaced, but our lives may need defending. I have the gun and a loaded magazine close by during the night and I'm fairly positive I could take down an intruder (unless he had night vision, also a concern), but the fear still preys on my heart and mind.
3. Kiddie meals. I am not going to cook a full fledged meal and then have leftovers for days. We've been eating a lot of Pb&j, deli meat sandwiches, Mac n cheese, hot dogs, and (honestly) pop tarts (Jackson requests them multiple times throughout the day). I'm frugal enough not to go out to restaurants so I can have a single serving real meal, but the ever popular order-to-go option is so very tempting.
4. I am not a fan of household chores, but I'm really not a fan of doing the manly household chores. Like taking the garbage to the trash can and then taking the trash can to the street. I tried to mow our yard... I've never mowed before and had absolutely no idea what I was doing- couldn't get the thing started so I paid someone to do it. If a light bulb burns out it's just going to be dark until I absolutely need that specific light, I will move other lamps to accommodate rather than change the bulb.
5. Paying a babysitter just for errands. Ok, I honestly have only done this once when I needed to have some work done on my car. Regular errands I take the boys with me. I have been meaning to schedule a massage (I have 2-3 banked from my membership) and it just hasn't worked out in my schedule and trying to work it out with our babysitter, plus it would be for longer than I've left Daniel with a sitter before. So much easier when I can just leave the boys with Daddy. Thankfully, at least my headaches have been minimal so the lack of massage isn't physically hurting me too much.
6. Less adult interaction. I have kept myself fairly busy and have only had a couple days where we haven't had play dates or activities. I also call my mom when I need some adult conversation because Jake and the NeverLand Pirates just isn't all that interesting to me. But over dinner and during the evenings I just miss chit chatting about our days, our triumphs, and our struggles. My husband is my best friend so naturally it is hard for me not to talk to him everyday. We have been able to send Facebook messages, but I don't write everything I would normally say I him. He's busy so I just write the highlights. That's a lot of daily word usage that isn't being spent on my end.
7. At the end of the day when the kids are in bed you're too tired to enjoy Mommy time. When the kids are both in bed I want to catch up on my tv shows, or read a book, or organize my pictures for the photo albums that still haven't been made. But I'm always too tired to do much except wash my face, brush my teeth, and crawl in bed. You wouldn't think a few extra hours of single parenting would wear you out so much, but I am finding out what a relief my husband is when he walks through the door at the end of the work day.
8. Everything will go wrong. Car problems. Incorrect billing. Family issues. Tornado season. Etc etc. I am a fairly dependent person and I hate conflict. So having to manage our lives when things go wrong is stressful to me. On the one hand, I'm a highly efficient person so I do research and weigh my options. On the other, I have to pick up the phone and make the calls to get things done. Realistically, I would do most of this myself even if Matt were home, but it feels compounded with his absence.
9. Co sleeping. I am an advocate of Cosleeping in general. Jackson has only spent maybe five entire nights in his own bed in his little 2.5 years of life. The rest of the time he has spent the whole night or part of the night snuggled next to me. I had planned on working on getting him to sleep the entire night in his own bed while Matt was gone. First, I'm lonely and snuggles from my boys make my heart swell. Second, I'm too tired to take Jackson back to his own bed all night long. It's easier to just let him sleep with me. I just put him to bed in my bed after a week or so. Instead of making strides forward, I took three steps back.
10. Fear for your spouse. This is a given and was expected. While Matt's deployment isn't as dangerous as it could be, he is still in a hostile country. More than that, he volunteers for patrols he isn't assigned to. Extra fear for the wifey back home. Surprisingly, I haven't been nearly as anxious as I expected to be and that has been a blessing. But my days are filled with prayers for his safety and well being.
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I wrote most of these during the deployment while I was feeling exceptionally lonely. I just finished the list and am posting now that Matt is safe and returned to me. It was a long two months with him away and I don't look forward to our next deployment which will most likely be a full deployment of 6-9 months.
Deployments suck. Truly. But, there is also some good. Another post on tha I the way. For now, persevere, stay positive, drink coffee, and await your soldier's return.
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