It is true, though. While I love having my two boys and am thoroughly loving having a snuggly newborn again, I do ache for the relationship Jackson and I used to have. My whole schedule revolved around him before Daniel was born. We were together almost 24/7 for his first two years. He slept with me, at least part of, every night. We laughed, snuggled, and sometimes cried. He is such a Mumma's boy and I am so thankful for how close we are. That hasn't changed.
But I do have to divide my attention now. I have to say no to Jackson sometimes when I am feeding Daniel and that makes me sad. He has to learn to wait (which in and of itself is not a bad thing) for Mumma to help him where before he was used to Mumma responding to his wants and needs immediately. Whenever he wanted to sit on my lap or fall asleep on me he was able to. Now sometimes I have to roughly push him off while he's crawling on my lap because he's about I sit on the baby! I always offer for him to sit next to me and he usually accepts, but it isn't the same.
I cherish putting him down for his nap or at bedtime because I can then snuggle with him. He has been wrapping both arms around my neck tightly and not letting go as he falls asleep. He wants and needs to be sure of me and that makes me feel so loved and so guilty for having to divide my love and attention. I love our times together when Daniel is sleeping or with Daddy. I love how much Jackson still needs me and loves me.
Jackson has done so so well during this transition time. I am so thankful for how he has responded to Daniel and impressed with how well he has listened to me when I have to tell him no.
Jackson Matthew, Mumma loves you so much. You will always have a special place in my heart because you were my first little baby and you made me a Mommy. I love you I love you I love you!
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