When I get busy, I get uptight. When things in my life are cluttered, I get cranky. When there is work to be done, I feel like if it doesn't get done right away then I have failed at life. (Side note: of course, it is when I feel busy, when things I want neat are cluttered, and when I have a list if to do's that I want to do... Sometimes I like clutter just fine! And I can procrastinate with the best of 'em!) So, having been in our new home for two weeks and our moving boxes etc. here for one week... I feel a little peeved that everything isn't unpacked and in it's proper place! I have done five loads of laundry with at least four more to go to get the cigarette smoke smell out of our clothes that were I storage. A big thank you to our past neighbors for that one. I have unpacked numerous boxes, really I have unpacked more than I have left so I'm over halfway finished. I have organized our living room and kitchen so that those rooms are nearly finished. I put together the baby's furniture today and placed it where it will go in his room (now just to clear out all the other boxes from in there!). And of course, I have cooked meals for my family, cleaned up the every day messes that happen, and cared for my baby.
So... that sounds like a lot has gotten done. But when I look in the office or the nursery and see there are still boxes that haven't even been cut open yet, that makes me feel discouraged. That makes me feel like I haven't worked enough and that all the boxes should be in the dumpster by now. That makes me feel like my house is a mess and there is nothing I can do about it because I've been "doing" for two weeks and it still looks like "this".
In all the craziness and with my being uptight, cranky, and feeling like a failure; I think I may have forgotten the most important thing. See, when I would look around and see the boxes I would go on an unpacking spree. I would unpack three boxes without stopping. Sounds good, right? But... What about Jack? What was he doing all this time? Watching Disney Junior? Playing quietly (or not so quietly) and well by himself? Looking out the window at car driving by? Or... Most of the time, standing next to me, holding onto my legs like he was afraid to let go, and whimpering "Momma"? What was my response? "In a minute, baby, Momma is almost finished!" Of course, that was a lie, it was more like, "In a half hour..."
Well, yesterday when we woke up I decided that Jack needed some attention. I only unpacked while he was napping.
We. Had. The. Best. Day. Ever!
We had yummy breakfast and lunch together and giggled over tug-of-war-spoon where Jack bites the spoon after I put it in his mouth and he won't let go. We played with all of his favorite toys... Over and over again. No, it didn't get old. It amazes me how he finds new ways to play with the same toys. We caught up on Glee episodes and Jack danced along with the music. Momma scooped him up and we danced together. He loved it! He laughed and smiled the whole time and would jump on me until we danced some more. We read stories. We looked at pictures. We watched Mickey Mouse.
Jack was so happy. I thought to myself, "There's my happy boy again! I wonder where he's been lately." Then I realized, he's always been my happy boy, but I hadn't given him much reason to be happy lately. I had replaced his happiness with loneliness, fear, and sadness. That realization broke my heart.
No amount of clutter or busy-ness could ever be more important than quality time with my son. My job right now is to be his Mommy. I am to nurture, protect, and love him. While I have done these things since our move, I haven't done then well or at full capacity. I will no longer take my Jackson for granted!
Today I was able to get a lot of work done because DaDa was home and could play with Jack while I unpacked. I will keep unpacking, but as long as my husband and baby are happy then I will be happy. For they are what truly matters, not how organized our house is after one week.
Momma loves you, Jackson.
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