I count today as a good day, even though I stated, "I'm bored" and thought it a few extra times. Today started off on a rocky start because baby woke up and promptly threw up on my bed. So we stayed home from church, listened to a webcast from our old church in Lynchburg, did the laundry... and skyped with Daddy- twice!
That is why it was such a good day!
What I love about my relationship with Matthew is the fact that sometimes we just don't need to say anything. There are no awkward silences in our conversations, though there may be plenty of silence. Sometimes just knowing he is there, just seeing his face is enough. This is not how our relationship has always been, but after one year of friendship, eight years of dating, and four and a half years of marriage we have come to a very comfortable place in our relationship. The place where we are completely sure of each other. The place where just being (dramatic pause) is enough. The place where we can feel for each other and long for each other and not fill all the empty places in the conversation.
We were able to skype twice with Daddy today. Sometimes the connection was not the best and sometimes we had to repeat ourselves. But being able to see him and know he was doing well, feeling confident, and (quite honestly) looking very good was such a relief. With little communication at this phase in OCS, I generally feel confident that Matthew is beating out the competition and not having many struggles along the way. There are moments, however, where I fear he may mis-step and twist his ankle/ pull a muscle/ not pass a test. Just one hiccup along the way and he could be recycled. He would have to start over from the beginning and wait for the next OCS start date. While I feel confident he will graduate someday, I do not wish our time apart to grow even by one day. My hope and prayer is that his physical and mental capacities will remain strong and in tact while he trains and that he will complete his course on time.
We knew OCS would be a mental challenge at times. The graduation requirements differ from BCT requirements, but the mental strain is more taxing. The purpose at OCS is to develop leaders. The officer candidates must respond to stressful situations. The officer candidates must show good decision making ability. The officer candidates must show clear minds and thought processes. How are these gauged? By difficult scenarios, ever changing schedules, and planning- replanning- and replanning again.
Matthew misses the monotony of his day-to-day civilian life. He missed being able to make his own decisions, like when to shower, when to work out, what kind of work out to do, when to eat, what to eat, how long he had to eat. He misses seeing his family, which is a given. He misses just being able to talk to us every day. We figured there would be freer communication at OCS, but thusfar it has been similar to BCT. Through all of this, though, he remains vigilant in completing his training and doing the best he is able.
With specials on TV about space travel recently, I thought about the advances in technology that have come about due to the space program. I thank the scientists and astronauts for their minds, experiments, and willingness to try new things in order to bring about the technology we have today. I am so thankful for my MacBook Pro and iPhone, which both allow me to skype with my husband. It is so nice seeing that he is healthy and strong instead of just hearing his voice and wondering if maybe he was lying to me. I don't know if I would think he was lying to me, but it is still reassuring seeing his face. It is wonderful to see Jack and Matt interact over skype as well. Jack smiles when he sees his Daddy and crawls over to the computer.
Today I am thankful for the men who have walked on the moon, the men who have circled the earth, and the men who created their space crafts, etc. Thank you for furthering our technology to what it is today.
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