Parenting with Mercy

Being an Army spouse often entails being a "single parent". Now, my sister is truly  a single parent, so I know that there is actually a difference. While my husband is away I know I still have his full support and love, even though he is not here to physically help. Emotional, mental, and spiritual support are very important and I do not take those for granted. So when I say I feel like a single parent, I mean only that I do not have help throughout the day. I am in no way belittling the difficulty that is truly single parenting.

So my husband has been in the field this week and I was worried I would go into labor and he wouldn't make it back in time for the birth or that I wouldn't have enough energy to care for Jackson at the level he is accustomed to. I am in the last stretch of pregnancy, which means I am tired, need to rest more often, cannot chase Jackson around or toss him, and overall have less patience. I was worried that I would have a shorter temper with Jackson when I didn't have his Daddy around to wear him out before bed or help occupy him while I make dinner. 

This happened this morning right as I was finishing getting ready to leave the house.

That is splattered liquid foundation. I just bought a new bottle, new brand yesterday to try and now there is about 1/5 of it left. Jackson grabbed it, ran away with it, opened it, and apparently whipped the jar around. When I took it away he ran through it, leaving little footprints. I was upset, but not nearly as upset as I would have expected. Jackson is two and two year olds make messes. It happens. He has even learned to say "mess". So while I did scold him for making this mess, I wasn't angry at him. I didn't over react. I didn't punish him, besides making him sit on the couch. I gave up my plans to run some errands and spent the rest of the morning on my hands and knees scrubbing. 

After using carpet cleaner, dawn dish soap, and makeup remover with very little success; a friend suggested Woolite. Thankfully, I had some Woolite in the house. It worked! I had to apply it a couple times and be sure to pour it right over the makeup (you would think it would spread around better, but it would clear up exactly where it was poured), but eventually it was {mostly} clear. For the record, scrubbing it into the carpet with your fingers is more productive than using a brush or paper towels, but yor had a and forearms may swell). There is still some evidence of the spill, and if you look closely you can still see the larger splotches, but I'm not sure it is noticeable enough for us to be fined when we move out (not for a few more years). By then, who knows what else may be spilled on the carpet! For now, to is mostly cleaned, not that noticeable, and smells much fresher than it did previously. 

During cleanup Jackson wanted to investigate what I was doing and help. I would yell loudly for him to "stop, backup, and go sit on the couch". I wasn't yelling because I was angry or frustrated, but to get him attention quickly so he didn't make a bigger mess. He would look at me sadly because my voice was raised, but he would obey. I am so thankful that he listens well! That is definitely a blessing and makes me feel like I'm doing something right as a parent (all parents need reassurance). A couple times he would grab the paper towel roll I had and walk away with it. Each time I would ask him to "bring it back to Mumma, please" and he would. He knew he had been naughty and he was such a good listener. He kept coming over to give me kisses too. Melt my heart! Makes me so thankful I didn't over react when I first saw the mess! What a different morning we may have had! 

For the rest of the day Jackson wanted to sit on my lap, sit next to me, hug my next, cuddle against me, and give me kisses. I think he wanted to makeup for his naughty behavior. 

I am so thankful that I had patience this morning. I am so thankful that I remembered that while I had a big mess to clean up, this is the little angel I woke up to this morning:

He is such a joyful child and he rarely is naughty in purpose. He is two. Two year olds makes messes. Two year olds are loud. Two year olds have a lot to learn. I try to parent with mercy as much as possible. Granted, I have an abnormally wonderful child to parent. I wonder how much of his current behaviors are based on his natural temperament or based on my merciful parenting. I see other moms asking for advice with their toddlers and part of me wants to tell them to let their child grow. Yes, children learn early how to push their parents buttons, but how often is this in response to parenting style? At two years old I can see how much my child craves affection. He seeks to please me and his Daddy so much! When we praise him, he is just so happy. When we discipline him, he wants hug or wants to make us happy again. He thrives when we shower him with love and attention. 

Do I think that other parents purposefully ignore their children or get impatient with them? No. But children are demanding and at this stage require 24/7 attention. Left alone, they will make a mess or get hurt or get scared. All of those situations will cause parental stress and escalated emotions. It's a very cyclical relationship. 

I am far from being a perfect parent. I do lose my temper. I do over react. I do regret some of my parenting choices. But I always try to do better next time. I always apologize to Jackson when I am in the wrong, yes, even though e is just two. I always follow up proper discipline with love and affection so he knows those will never be dependent on his actions or mistakes. 

Today I was able to show my son mercy when he showed curiosity and made a really big mess. I had to sit on the couch for a few hoes after I finished cleaning up the carpet, but he was right there next to me playing and reading the whole time. He does not fear me. He is not indifferent to me. He seeks to make me happy and proud. Peaceful parenting, parenting with mercy had worked for us. It is not always easy, but it makes our home so much more enjoyable for all. 

Jackson's comfy fortress to play iPad. 

I know I am called to be a stay at home mom. My gifts have enabled me to have extra patience with Jackson, for I am most definitely not a patient person in other areas of life. I take pleasure in teaching him daily and love the good wth the bad, as that just means he's growing. I take each opportunity to show him love and to teach him how to love. For what else is there in this life? I try to parent with mercy and take each day as it comes. I am so thankful I was given extra mercy to show Jackson today as I didn't have an extra set of hands to help. We miss Daddy when he's gone, but I am thankful for the extra time with my baby (not much longer and he won't be my baby and only child!) and the extra chances to shower him with love.