Wandering Thoughts

We've all done it. We read a paragraph (or even several pages) and realize we have no idea what we just read. Then we decide if we re-read the section again (of course, focusing this time, surely) or just continue on pretending those paragraphs/pages don't exist. Our minds were occupied while reading: on grocery lists, vacation plans, the schedule for the next day, or re- running a conversation from earlier in the day. This all is, of course, more pressing and sometimes still occupies our minds during that second read through (will we never learn?).

Well, for me, these bunny trails seem to occur during devotions. Also, during prayers. Interesting how that seems the opportune time out of the entire day for me to mentally sort through what outfit choices would be best for our vacation next week. Seriously? Of course, it really is no surprise. The devil looks for every opportunity to steer our attention away from The Lord and what better time than when we are reading His Word? Distractions keep us from reading the Word and then from learning and growing. But that really isn't the point of this post.

I have realized how much harder it is to do quality devotions now that I am a mother. As if I needed MORE distractions than my ever wandering mind! If Jack is awake, he wants to read my Bible with me- which means crinkling all the pages and tasting quite a few too. Or he may use these precious moments when my attention is elsewhere to try to crawl over to his friend, the fire. He is so interested in the fire and would love nothing more than to play with the pretty orange dancing things in the window in the corner. If by some miracle Jack doesn't do either of these things, then he is getting himself stuck perched on/under/ or beside something and he needs to yell for Momma to help him. Then there's the moments when he naps. I jump on those moments, but all too soon he is awake and I haven't finished my reading (Jack takes ridiculously short naps for an infant!).

So... Having private time with a baby is difficult. Having devotions without distractions with a baby is near impossible. As I was reading my Bible tonight (after Jack went down for the night), I began to realize just how much this has affected me. The struggle to fit in devotional time has led me to be more impatient, less merciful, and all around out of sorts. I have not gotten the encouragement from Scripture I so count on while Matt is away. I have not been reprimanded for my many faults through Scripture. I have not felt challenged with new goals from Scripture. Not in the same way, at least.

Yes, I teach Jack about the Bible (as much as is possible with an 8-month-old), but that is hardly the time with The Lord that I need. My relationship with God is ever moving and changing. He is constantly showing and teaching me new things. I learn more about Him every day through my son, but I need to be in His Word every day. I need that accountability, that encouragement, that challenge.

While it may be difficult at times, it is the most important priority in my life. Having a consistent time with God daily will not only help me be a better person in general, but also will specifically help me love my son. I may think that sacrificing my devotional time to care for my son justifies my actions, but it is actually a detriment to my son overall. How can I love him if I am not learning more about God's love? How can I teach him about God if I am not always learning about Him myself?

From my reading tonight:

Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength if my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73: 23-26