As the Boys Grow Older

Jackson will be entering Kindergarten next fall! Kindergarten! "Real" school. The weight of which is no small matter to me. We will be moving in March and choosing a school from a distance is difficult. We have always planned to send our kids to private school if possible and with current social climates, that decision is even more concrete. Bur the price tag is hefty and determining our budget is proving to be a stressor. There is the tuition cost, the application fee, the annual fees, the uniform cost. Plus Daniel will probably be ready for preschool, so we need to decide if that would be an investment or if we should wait for Pre-K.

I was reading through the student handbook of our best option tonight. I find myself worrying if Jackson will be successful in Kindergarten- I mean, that's a whole day away from me and what if he gets lost on the way to lunch? Seriously, silly thoughts like that race through my head. But also, he is exceptionally intelligent but socially is still catching up. He plays a little differently than other kids and sometimes that means he has to play alone to be happy. What if he doesn't make friends? What if he feels lonely? What if he doesn't learn self-control? All of which is unfounded because he does make friends and is learning more and more how fun it is to play with kids even if it's not exactly how he wants to play. If he does start to feel lonely then we can work on developing friendships and he will always have his brothers. He has been improving in self-control so much this past half year and I know he will only continue to grow and mature. 

I keep telling myself that everyone I know has gone to Kindergarten and been just fine. I remember walking the attendance down the hall to the office in Kindergarten. It's not like Jackson is a baby, he just seems that way to me. The teachers are well aware of how old the Kindergarteners are and what they are and are not capable of. I need to trust them. 

So many decisions about school. It will only get harder as the boys get older and I feel so unprepared. I mean, I'm just a baby myself, right? Wait, I'm almost 30, you say? How is that possible? Thirty seems like a mature age. By 30 a person should have their act together and know what to do or not do. A 30-year-old should understand enough about the world to not have to worry about sending their kid off to school. Right? 

Life is confusing sometimes. And that's ok. It is a wonderful privilege to figure out this parenting thing and watch my boys grow and mature. 

But Kindergarten, really? How did that happen? How is he old enough? Sigh.