Share and Care

I start so many drafts and months go by and I lose gusto or figure nobody cares. This is my outlet, but I want to be helpful and not harmful. I have always been a writer at heart and I may try to be more open and honest again. Even if it is mostly therapy for myself, especially since no one reads this anymore. Good practice if I ever decide to fully pursue writing- which won't be until babies are all in some form of school. 

I got to work on selflessness today. I am constantly learning to be more selfless in my everyday family life. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and in the next 1-2 months will also have a newborn. I have a zhard working husband who has a difficult and stressful job with long hours, but he works hard so I can stay home with the boys and we can have a comfortable life. So with my little family I have plenty of opportunity daily to practice selflessness.

Yesterday my husband was in a car accident and we decided to purchase a car instead of repairing the Jeep for the umpteenth time. The Jeep was my 16th birthday present and has served me well for almost 13 years. It is time to move on. 

We started browsing online and looking over our budget and applying for loans. Ok, I did all of this because I was at home all day, but it was kinda fun since I don't mind research and paperwork. We found a good option and were pretty excited about it. Then things happened and opinions happened and we waited to purchase. We test drove and talked to the salesman (who was great and not pushy) and got a detailed overview of the total costs. I thought we were going there to buy it unless it was very different than mentioned online. But we left to keep looking. We may end up with that car, but for now we are waiting. 

I was frustrated. This wasn't part of the plan and this wasn't part of our budget. Yes, we were planning on trading in the Jeep next year anyways, but we'll have a little more financial freedom at that time compared to now. This car option seemed perfect. There were arguments for and against and both had some logical groundings... But Matt and I both kinda dug our feet into our stances and made the other feel guilty for feeling differently. 

I was most likely going to get my way. I felt guilty because it is Matt's car so he should get what he wants (within reason), but I just couldn't come to terms with the higher price tag. We preferred different makes and the monthly payment really wouldn't be that different if all else stayed the same. So I thought to myself, "Why am I being so fickle? Matt works hard and makes the money. This monthly payment is still lower than my maximum based on the budget. It is lower than my car payment. Why am I being so selfish?" I didn't have an answer. While buying a car is a big decision and it is a lot of money, and while we both have been working on being less materialistic which includes cars preferences, getting the car Matt prefers really isn't going to break the bank. 

So I am going to tell him he can get his choice. And I am actually excited to wake up and tell him that. It brings me joy to give him joy. He may still decide to go with my option, but it won't be because I pressured him. It will be because he thinks it's the wiser option. Either way, tomorrow we'll have a new member of our family and I hope it serves us as well as the trusty Jeep did.