Throughout college, early marriage, and parenthood I've certainly grown in patience. I was kind of forced to, but am thankful for the opportunities to practice and grow. I still have my moments (many, in fact) but have definitely been able to see a change overall.
Well, recently I have been convicted of my attitude towards the most important men in my life: Matt, Jackson, and even Daniel. I have become much more short tempered with all of them (Daniel obviously feeling the least of this aggression as all he can get is a poke and a "settle down in there!") and most of the time it is completely (completely!) unnecessary. I get frustrated at Matt for calling on his way home to tell me all about his day. Why? My brain tells me that he's trying to annoy me since he knows I dislike talking on the phone and he can just talk to me when he arrives and we're eating dinner. I get frustrated with Jackson at bedtime because he takes forever to fall asleep (which he gets from me). Even when he falls asleep within 10 minutes, the rest of the week's nights of hour long cuddling sessions make that 10 minutes seem like 30. My brain tells me that Jackson is disobeying when I tell him to go night-night. He is not quite two, he isn't disobeying. It just takes his mind and body awhile to settle down, which I should be familiar with since it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep at night! I get frustrated with Daniel because he is lying low which turns out, is just as uncomfortable as if he were sitting high in my ribs! Shouldn't this be a good sign for labor and delivery? Shouldn't I just be ecstatic that I can feel him almost all day long wiggling around? But no, I get frustrated that he likes to thump against the mattress when I'm trying to sleep or forcing me to go pee (like less than an ounce each time) every half hour!
These are just some examples to what has been trying my patience lately. I blame it on my headaches which are relieved after a massage, but we only want to pay for one massage a month so that's three other weeks of pounding pressure. I blame it on my lack of sleep since Jackson had been waking several times throughout the night due to his molars coming in or being off schedule from our recent travel... And even when he sleeps for a couple hours at a time then Daniel decides it's time to be awake. I blame it on the nausea that still sneaks up on me once a week from this pregnancy. I blame it on many things, but really, it is just my sin nature coming out and rearing it's ugly head once again.
I realized how harsh I was being with Jackson when he started giving me this sad look when I would scold him or swat his hand away. He would look at me, not understanding why he was being punished, and crawl up on my lap and just lay his head on my chest. Instant repentance. I determined to be more aware of my reactions to my men and to be more patient.
Since then I have been much more patient with Jackson and our days are much more like they used to be: filled with giggles and snuggles and lots of kisses. I then figured out that I was so wrapped up in practicing patience with Jackson that I didn't feel like I had any left for Matt when he got home from work. He's a grown man after all, he shouldn't need patience from me because he should know better than to give me reason to practice it. Right? Wrong. So now I am working on that.
Patience. Ask God to give it to you and you will abound in opportunity. Will you choose patience?
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