People Pleaser

When I was in high school, I was a major people pleaser. Well, that is false. Backtrack. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a major people pleaser because like most high schoolers out there, I wanted to be "cool". The definition of "cool" was subject to change on a daily basis as per my current crush or the most popular girl of the week. I would base how I dressed, what music I listened to, what books I read (well, a portion of the books I read at least), and what people I talked to on who I was trying to impress. It's funny that it took me so long to grow out of this "people pleaser" mentality since it didn't work too well for me back then. I was annoying. I wouldn't have been nearly so annoying if I had just been myself (I don't even know what that would have looked like back then) and been nice. Being nice can go a long way. People don't like it when others pretend to have common interest as themselves. It is not flattering, it is obnoxious. You need to find your own life and learn to mesh it with others. 

My senior year I began to figure myself out. My close friends that year were very different than I was, but we respected our differences and still had fun together. I didn't worry about what the boys thought because I had my heart broken that summer and wanted to re evaluate being a "flirt", which ended up in my favor as that Christmas my now-husband and I started dating (he was also the one who broke my heart). I was figuring out that when we graduated and all went our separate ways to college I would no longer care what Susie Sunshine thought of my new shirt or if Johnny Jones thought I was cute. They wouldn't see me. They wouldn't know me. They would probably forget about me. So why waste my time? 

After moving 800 miles away to college I began to truly enjoy who I am. I listened to the music I wanted to listen to, Backstreet Boys and discovered other artists I liked in different genres as well. But I discovered them, I didn't listen to them because I wanted to sound "cool" when my friends climbed in my car and it played through the stereo. I began to dress how I wanted to dress even though a lot of it looked like "mom" clothes. I still wear some of those clothes now (or similar styles) and I am told I always look like a very put together mom. I'm comfortable and have classic pieces. I began to think through my belief system and build up my faith, which has shaped the rest of my life and only for my own good. I am so thankful for God's Living Word that continually speaks to me even though I've read the physical words many times. I continue to learn about myself now, but college was very formative in developing the person I am today.

That being said, I have become a very confident individual. I know not everyone will like me and that's ok because I do not like everyone either. We all have different tastes and that makes the world interesting. I have learned how to exist rather enjoyably with people who think differently than I do and it has made me a more well rounded individual. I do not have to be on high alert with useless facts when hanging out with friends just to impress them. Most of my friends like country music and I detest it. We can make good fun of each other, but I no longer have to have Rascal Flatts on my iPod so I can make it seem like I enjoy some country also. (Is Rascal Flatts still in existence?)

I am so much happier. Being me is so much less work than before! Being me is enjoyable. Being me is fun. I like me! 

All this being said, I know people who still are people pleasers. Their interests change based in their surroundings. Their dress, tastes, financial endeavors change based on their current friendship circles. They don't understand why their lives are so exhausting and why they don't seem I make long term friendships and why they aren't married and happy yet. I want to grab them and shake them until they become their own person! I want to free them from the prison of comparison they are living in. I want to help them appreciate who they are and not who they want others to think they are. Because everyone knows. It is very evident when people pleasers are flip flopping. That's when the relationships begin to backslide. 

One of my teachers in high school told me I was an awesome person and not to care what others thoughts of me. He said that when I left my little high school bubble I would find a group of friends just like me and I would be much happier than I used to be. He was right. The group I found was not just like me in the way I thought he meant back then. I thought he meant we would all like Backstreet Boys and reading classic literature for pleasure. No, my friends are just like me because we are ourselves and we like each other for who we are. We bring diversity into our friendships and respect each other for our differences. I have made some of the best friends after high school. They are genuine, which is hard to say about anyone at the high school level so it's not entirely fair to my high school friends. I have met a group of people just like me and they are wonderful. 

I love my life. I love being different than others. I love my interests and passions. I am so happy just being me. 

Embrace yourself. Stop living for what you think others want, most likely you're wrong about what they want anyways. Just be yourself and everything else will follow.