Fullness of Heart

My heart has been very full lately. Almost overwhelmingly so. It is a wonderful place to be.

Life has not gone perfectly, not by any means, but looking back and looking forward I can very evidently see God's hand of provision and protection over me and my little family. That is a very humbling feeling. God has time and pleasure in guiding my life. Just think about that.

Matthew has graduated from BOLC (post to come), Jackson continues to be a bright little ray of sunshine, I updated our guest book with visitors from the past couple months (I have yet to ever remember to have them sign the book themselves) and realized how blessed I am with family who came to visit and friends who frequented our house for coffee, and my bags are all packed and ready to go home to Michigan for a week tomorrow. If only Matt could accompany Jackson and I the trip would be perfection. As it is we will be staying with my parents, seeing all my siblings and nieces/nephews, celebrating the birthdays of my sister and niece, seeing all of in-laws (from CA and SC), and spending lots of quality time with family. It will be a busy week, but it will be nice to be home and out of Oklahoma for a little bit. Matt begins his next round of training on Monday or he would have come with us.

I feel very happy and very content. People often write about how annoying it can be when others write about how good their life is or how good things keep happening to them. I do not think people are purposefully trying to shove their happiness or their blessings in the worlds face. If you ask anyone who has known me for an extended period of time, I used to be a Debbie Downer. I was an introvert and preferred to stay in rather than go out. I had a hard time making new friends and I was constantly worrying and stressing about the future. But I have learned to just let go. Let it be. I have learned to take the good with the bad, because I am still alive and that is life. I have learned to rejoice in my suffering because I have a God who is able to see me through the hardships. I have learned to embrace the day because you aren't guaranteed tomorrow. I have taken on a new outlook on life. It is a true life transformation and with that I cannot help but me thankful and joyful. I do not mean to post overly positive posts about how great my life is. I just can't keep my happiness to myself.

Like I said, my life is not perfect. I am still recovering emotionally from my miscarriage. My car battery died which was an unexpected expense that is sitting on the credit card, which I hate. Jackson is becoming much more strong willed, which is both amazing to watch and terrible to tolerate. We are moving in about a month and I will leave many good friends that we have met here at Fort Sill. I am going home for a Memorial Service for Matt's grandma. And many more personal burdens. Life is not perfect. But life is still wonderful. Life is a gift. I have chosen to embrace it. That has made all the difference.

My heart is full. Overflowing, really. I am thankful to get to spend time with family in the next few days to shower some of this fullness on them.